December 3rd, 2006

Hello. I'm Joanna Lumley.

Charlie Sheen: Idiot

Charlie Sheen once said on the topic of prostitutes: "I don't pay them for sex. I pay them to leave."

I don't understand what he's spending money on. I can get women to leave for free. Usually very rapidly, after they've met Big Dusty. If he has a persistent feminine pest problem, he only needs to give me a call.

If you need more evidence that this supposed wisdom is utter balls, consider these candidate phrases for inclusion on phone box cards:
"Hot Busty Asian"
"Young Blonde, New In Town"
"I Go Away"

And furthermore, this phone conversation:

Punter: So, er... what do you offer?
Prossie: Whatever you want, love... backdoor, all fours, sideways, rope work...
Punter (breathing heavily): Go on...
Prossie: fire escape, ground floor window, waltzing, pogo stick... what takes your interest?
Punter: Well...
Prossie: Yes?
Punter (whispering): Slip out the back, Jack... make a new plan, Stan...
Prossie: PERVERT! (slams phone down)

In summary: I should go back to bed.